Ah, the Greek Antipodes Festival in Melbourne — a vibrant celebration of all things Greek, where gods and mortals collide in a whirlwind of costumes, Hellenic culture, delicious food, and chaos. So now, drum roll… I’m going to share how a photo opportunity involving a shield with Poseidon’s trident at the Antipodes Festival turned into a mental attack, complete with insults hurled at me sharper than Poseidon’s three-pronged trident.
It all began when I stepped outside for a brief escape during the midst of the Antipodes Cocktail Party. As I wandered around Lonsdale Street, I found myself snapping candid photos of festival attendees gathered in front of a vibrant tent. Amidst the crowd, my gaze settled on a striking figure — an individual dressed in a Hellenistic Greek costume that embodied the timeless poetry of Homer, the spirited essence of Dionysus, and the admiration of Apollo.
Antipodes Festival: The Ancient Hoplitikon of Melbourne Exhibition
Two attractive Greek ladies were having their photo taken with someone else dressed in ancient Greek style clothing, with one of them holding a sword up to the man’s throat. It looked pretty epic. That got me thinking about taking my own picture.
After spotting an ancient Greek-looking shield with an image of a trident on it resting on the side of a bench, my mind suggested that they were on Poseidon’s side. You know, the Greek god of the sea!
I later learned that these two guys were actually from the Ancient Hoplitikon of Melbourne, a group based in Melbourne and Victoria that focuses on re-enacting Ancient Classical and Hellenistic Greek warfare. You can see the trident shield in the picture below on the right side.
The trident is a symbol of Poseidon, so naturally, I thought, hmm, this would make a fantastic shot for my future Antipodes Festival Guide on Greek Gods Paradise. Seizing the moment, I approached the guy on the right when things quieted down a bit and asked him, “Could I wear this shield for a photo?”
He looked down at the shield and then nodded silently — a gesture I took as a Greek “Yes.” I then asked, “How do I put it on?” He looked at me and asked, “Are you right-handed or left-handed?” I raised my right hand and said, “Right-handed.” But that apparently meant I had to put it on my left hand, which makes sense now because you’d need to use your right hand to hold your sword. Anyway, he did give me some kind of explanation, which I wasn’t paying too much attention to at the time.
Antipodes Festival, Melbourne: my insult Shock!
After he wrapped up his little speech, I blurted out, “How do I hold it?” Huge-huge mistake. That’s when the shit hit the fan faster than Zeus’s lightning bolt toward one of his enemies. The atmosphere shifted so quickly I swear I saw lightning in the air, and the guy’s face twisted up like a Fury from Jason and the Argonauts — seriously, he looked like he was about to unleash some ancient wrath. And then, with utter-utter-utter contempt, he spat out, “What do you think?”
I was stunned, completely clueless, like I’d just been asked how to break out of the Labyrinth in ancient Greece. His eyes narrowed so sharply I thought they might shoot lasers, and then he lobbed another insult my way: “Are you an intelligent guy?” Honestly, I felt about as smart as a goldfish trying to do calculus.
Honestly, in that moment, I had a full-blown existential crisis — like, “Who am I? What am I even doing with my life?” I mean, I do have a degree in Electrical Engineering, so naturally, my brain immediately went there. But then I started questioning everything — maybe I was just too stupid to realize I should’ve studied something else. And let’s be honest, my ancient Greek warrior etiquette? Nonexistent.
I’d had a couple of drinks at the Antipodes Cocktail Party — so, yeah, my brain was basically running on a cocktail of confusion and bad questions. I took a deep breath, tried to focus (which was a challenge in itself), and stared down that trident shield as if it held the meaning of life — or at least a really intricate wing design by Daedalus, the famous ancient Greek inventor. In Greek mythology, he crafted the wings that allowed him and his son Icarus to escape the Labyrinth where the Minotaur dwelled — though, ultimately, it ended in tragedy.
I quickly spotted a strap in the middle and a solid handle at one end of the trident shield. “I’ll slide my hand through the strap and grab the handle,” I suggested, hoping I was onto something. Luckily, he nodded and said something like, “That’s it.” Honestly, I felt a little proud of myself, like I’d just aced a test. Then I slid Poseidon’s trident shield onto my left arm, feeling pretty cool about it. The ancient Hoplite guy then tells me to ask a lady standing in front of us to take the picture.
I called out, “Could you take a photo of me?” She looked a bit surprised — like Poseidon had just caught her off guard — and reached into her pocket for her phone or camera. I had to clarify, “With my camera.” Suddenly, her face lit up with that classic Greek epiphany — the “Ah, of course! With your camera.”
The Greek guy (I think) gave a slight chuckle and said something like, “It must be something in the air.”
I handed the lady my camera, and just as she was about to snap the shot, an elderly Greek gentleman strolling by decided to crash the scene — and, of course, he had to make some loud comments. Without missing a beat, he made some lively Greek remarks, probably guilt-tripping me about wearing Poseidon’s trident shield. I have no idea what he was saying — it could have been about Greek gods, Poseidon, offending Jesus, or tossing a cheeky insult my way — but he was laughing the whole time. I had to politely tell the lady to take the photo after he had left, which he eventually did, thank God.
My iPhone was full, which I was already aware of at that time, so I handed her my Sony camera. Though it’s not the best for night shots, it was definitely better than having no photo at all. I had brought my Sony along just in case I found myself in a situation like this, especially since it has a zoom lens that I thought might come in handy. Ideally, I would have preferred to have my Olympus camera with me, but oh well. She managed to capture a couple of photos of me wielding Poseidon’s mighty trident, standing next to the guy who had just insulted my intelligence…
The best photo featuring me holding Poseidon’s trident shield turned out a bit blurry, so I used a photo editing app to sharpen the image. I was pleasantly surprised by the results — it significantly improved the overall look and made the photo much clearer than the original.
That guy, dressed in an ancient Greek costume, had probably been a dedicated volunteer at the Antipodes Festival for years. Then, just when I thought the evening couldn’t get any stranger, came the final insult. As everything wrapped up, he looked at me and, with a tone dripping in mockery, declared, “Happy now?”
My immediate thought was something like this? “WTF!” I went to the Antipodes Festival for a bit of fun, and next thing I know, I’m being insulted in ancient Greek style. Did I somehow deserve that kind of contempt? Nope. I was just trying to enjoy some mythological mischief — not audition for the role of the Greek villain.
So, if you ever find yourself at the Antipodes Festival in Melbourne, remember: you could very well end up on the receiving end of Poseidon’s Trident of Insults. Lesson learned? Maybe I should have just stayed at the Antipodes Cocktail Party for the entire night. Out there? Way too dangerous. The splash zone is no joke — get ready to duck, dodge, and dodge some more, as insult missiles could end up flying your way!
For more Greek experiences in Melbourne, explore the 20 Best Attractions in Melbourne: Greek Mythology & Ancient Greece.
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